many times, when i write these, i jump onto the page as if you have been in my mind, and i, for some reason, decide to start sharing mid-way through a thought. this post started in my mind ,in the shower, the following way ‘it appears that when you care less you are happier, or perhaps it’s caring less about things that shouldn’t be cared about, perhaps those are not cares but worries, are worries and cares the same? or are worries really cares that shouldn’t exist? is caring/worrying really all about controlling rather than letting what will be be (don’t sing it. resist the urge. don’t visualize the closing credits. step away from the desire to…ahhh ke sara sara) so it came back to control and needing to grasp onto everything in life all at once and know where it is, have it in its proper place, pretend i’m caring, but in reality i’m worrying. so, to care less? no, to devote my caring to things that are important. to worry less. these thoughts come after concerning my mind with why i care so much about the details of life, and then realizing, after thinking the aforementioned thoughts, that i wasn’t caring about details, i was worrying about things i can’t control.
it feels like this has been less and less, but there are times where ‘worries’ outweigh ‘cares’. i wish to care more, caring is active and forward moving, caring requires action, if you care, but worries are paralyzingly painful positions of pause in our lives. worries are doubts. this seems to reflect on my previous post ‘why.do.i.care’. perhaps, it wasn’t questioning why we care, but why we worry.